ramblings

wow! i'm blogging twice in one day! this morning i couldn't make myself get out with Brian to run. the cold just makes me hurt. William was complaining of ear pain before i took the kids to school, so i gave him his special drops as well as some allergy meds and sent him off. and then i drove straightway to the trail to run.  about 3 miles into my run i got a call from Ms. Martin saying that William was crying about his head and ears. i  was nearly to the Mopac bridge, and my car was at the Interstate bridge, meaning i was at the farthest point from the car that i'd be on that run. Brian ended up picking William up at school and took him back to work with him. i finished the 7.2 mile loop and then picked up William at MWM. he really didn't seem sick at all, just in need of some personal attention. we played hotel, and art studio, and game show, and then took a nap together. at least i took a nap and he drew pictures. then he helped me get the sheets off all the boys' beds to wash them. i realized how little time i have had with him, just one on one time. it is so hard to find time for that in our (sort of large) family.

speaking of sort of large families. lately i've had the desire to have another baby. we never really said we were done, life just kind of carried on. when John was born, we were done for then, but could imagine having another way down the road. well, we're way down the road now, and at 35, i'm not getting any younger, as they say. i love being a mom. everything about it. i think it is the greatest honor to carry another human inside you and then care for it in the most intimate way. and really, the thought of having another child with the man i love now more than ever, is rather thrilling. when we had the others, life was happening so fast, the babies came in such quick succession, and there wasn't really much planning to any of it. intentionally trying to have another is a very pleasant thought.

so those are some thoughts i'm (we're) having. adding another person to our family would change a lot of things, most practically, what size car we can get, and would almost certainly mean that we'd have to move. i say that, buy much larger families generations prior to ours lived in houses this size and smaller and made it work.

i write all this as if it lies in our power to make it happen. even if we tried, there is no guarantee that we'd be blessed with another. heck, our preventative measures over the last nearly 7 years have been pretty wimpy. i'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. so it makes me think we might have already missed the window. which is ok, too. if these four are all we're given, i've been blessed more than i have words for thanks. as i was about to say, it's Him who opens and closes the womb. so maybe He will, maybe He won't. and I know He didn't this month. and no, we're not "trying".

so that's that.