baby o' mine

well, Hazel is here and we are all enjoying loving on her. here's a quick run down of the days leading up to her birth.

last friday the kids went out to stay the night with my mom. Brian and i got an unexpected evening to ourselves. i was really starting to feel bad, so it was nice to have a break. we went out to dinner at Trudy's and i noticed when i got up that i felt like i'd been riding a horse all day. well, since i hadn't ridden a horse in years, i figured it was my bones starting to spread out in preparation for Hazel making her debut. we walked around the neighborhood near the campus for about an hour, seeing what kind of contractions we could get going. when we got home, Brian made a fire in the fire place and we watched some college football together. i sat on my bouncy ball trying to help the contractions along.

saturday morning we got out and exercised, Brian running and playing basketball, and me walking my 4 or so miles. we drove out to Burnet after that, where my mom had 7 of the 10 cousins. we had a birthday party for Claire who turned 13 this week. i continued to feel just generally "bad" and walk like a cowboy. that feeling continued all evening with intermittent contractions. i didn't sleep much saturday night, and got up a couple of times with severe nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. i almost called my doctor,  but wanted to wait until the contractions formed a clear pattern. the thing that kept us from heading on to the hospital right then was me worrying about who i felt comfortable calling in the middle of the night to come be with the kids. i called my mom in the wee hours of the morning to give her a heads up, and she started heading this way. she lives an hour or so away, so it gave me a little more time to assess the situation. with no clear progress being made, we all got a little more rest. we decided to go to church sunday morning even though we adults had been up most the night. i'm glad we did. it was very encouraging and just what my weary body and spirit needed.

Mama spent the rest of the day with us. she thought i needed to just go on in to the hospital, but i kept waiting to see if i was really in labor. we had a relaxing afternoon of eating take out pizza and lying around looking at magazines. Mama and i made a trip to target for some last minute items to take to the hospital. while there, we walked the entire store several times to see if my contractions picked up.

i made a huge pot of chili for dinner and enough for leftovers the next day. Brian's parents got to our house in the evening. it was a cozy evening with my mom and Brian's parents all staying the night. Mama and i sat in bed and watched NFL together until i was too tired to keep my eyes open.

i can't remember if i got much sleep sunday night. i doubt it. we were up at 5 as usual. i had to be at the hospital at 6. amazingly i wasn't hungry at all, though i hadn't been able to eat much at all over the previous couple of days. Mama and Margaret rode with Brian and i to the hospital. i had put together a couple of goodie bags for the kids full of treats and snacks, games, Legos, and drawing things. Margaret and my mom sat off in their little corner of the room while the nurse got me hooked up with an iv of fluids and the antibiotics for the group B strep. Dr. Love came in some time around 8 and sat and visited with Brian and i  for awhile. he checked me but i wasn't ready for him to break my water, so the nurse started me on Pitocin. i labored along for an hour or so with regular contractions, but little increase in the severity of them. Dr. Love came back over and attempted to break my water, but for some reason it wouldn't give. i guess my bag of waters is too much like rubber. it has never ruptured on its own, even when i'm far along in labor. as i wasn't making progress, the nurse kept bumping up the amount of Pitocin, going all the way to a level 16, whatever that means. the contractions were painful, but there was still this threshold we weren't able to cross. Dr. Love came back over after lunch and this time was able to break my water. immediately i started in on hard contractions. i can't say how long they lasted, but with all that Pitocin coursing through me, i was getting them hard and fast. i tried to relax, tried to quote Scripture to get my mind off the pain, tried to pray, but i was really having trouble coping with the powerful contractions. the nurse turned off the Pitocin as i was moving along at lightning speed at this point. as i'd been working on having this baby since about 9 am. and it was now around 1 or so, and i had no idea how long this labor would last, i requested an epidural.  before the anesthesiologist got there, the nurse checked me and i was dilated 5 cm. getting the epidural was pure hell. it took an especially long time, or so it seemed, and i labored through several horrible contractions while clinging to the nurse as the anesthesiologist and his assistant worked on putting wires in my back. during all this, Hazel's heart rate started dropping quite low as she began her descent through the birth canal. it was really scary not hearing a heart beat for a second or two. they gave me oxygen and kept encouraging me to breathe deep for my baby. it was all i could do to not panic. i began to pray out loud, crying out to God to protect her precious life. as soon as the Dr. finished giving me the epidural, the nurse checked me again and i was dilated 10 cm. i went from 5 to ten in less than ten minutes. no wonder i was hurting so bad. the nurse called Dr. Love and told him about Hazel's heart rate and asked whether she should put a catheter in me to put some fluid back, or just tell me to push this baby on out. they decided to let me push her on out if i felt ready. i gave it one good push, then Dr. Love came in and had me push again and then she was out. how does one describe the feeling of hearing your baby cry for the first time? i just burst into tears! i couldn't believe she was finally here. the first thing the nurse said when she was out was, "she's so tiny!" and she was, the same size Margaret was when she was born. Brian and i were in awe of her! when the placenta was delivered, Dr. Love called Brian over to take a picture of it, saying that the position of the cord and the condition of it was extremely rare, and that it was a miracle that Hazel was here. instead of the cord being in the middle of the placenta, it was down at the end, and very narrow. it could have become detached at any time. even more reason to praise God for His mercy over her!

she weighed a whopping 6 pounds and 1 ounce and was 18 and a half inches long. no, not my smallest baby, as Margaret was 5 lbs. 15 ounces and 18 inches long. she looks much like Samuel did, with long, skinny legs, big feet and hands, and fair skin. i think she'll be freckled like him eventually, but maybe with darker hair. her eyes aren't as light as his were when he was born - we could tell they were going to be blue from the start - though they're shaped the same. i would bet they're going to be brown though. and she has the same mouth as Samuel. William and Margaret have prominent bottom lips, you know, a perpetual pout. Samuel has a more prominent top lip, which Hazel also has. John has his own set of lips.

a few pictures from this week -

making a goofy face around 7 am., Monday morning as i wait for the nurse to get things started -

skin to skin with my precious Hazel -

Brian and i stayed in the hospital from Monday until Wednesday morning. it was nice to have some time together, although i don't think we talked much, what with all the nurses coming and going and Hazel needing to be fed or changed. Brian's parents watched the kids at the house and brought them up a few times. my mom came, as well as my stepdad. Thomas dropped in on Tuesday. Leah came by on monday before Hazel made her appearance. i can't recall whether any one else dropped in.

Brian went back to work on thursday, and i had to jump right in to my job as mother of 5. i guess i wasn't quite ready. i found myself in tears by the time he got home, so he decided to work from home on Friday. i haven't been able to get much sleep, but what little i get is a blessing. Hazel eats about every two or three hours, but mostly every two hours. i cherish those nighttime feedings. i know that all too soon she'll outgrow them, and we won't have that special "us" time anymore. i try to use the time to talk to her and pray for her and others.

i am still somewhat in awe that i have been blessed with another child. it still sort of feels like a beautiful dream that i fear i will soon wake up from.